15 THINGS TO MAKE YOUR PARENTS THINK YOU'RE INSANE!!
1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Moo when they say your name.
3. Run into walls.
4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine
6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"
7. Wear a sticker that says, "I’m a retard"
8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time.
9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"
10. Do what they actually tell you.
11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly.
12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people.
13. At everything they say yell, Liar.
14. Try to swim in the floor.
15. Tap on their door all night.
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1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Moo when they say your name.
3. Run into walls.
4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine
6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"
7. Wear a sticker that says, "I’m a retard"
8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time.
9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"
10. Do what they actually tell you.
11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly.
12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people.
13. At everything they say yell, Liar.
14. Try to swim in the floor.
15. Tap on their door all night.
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???
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1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???
He Said...She Said:
He said...Want a quickie? She said...As opposed to what?
He said...I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said...You wear briefs, don't you?
He said...Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
He said...This coffee isn't fit for a pig! She said...No problem, I'll get you some that is.
She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said...It's not my fault. I ran out of money.
He said...Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said...Well, you succeeded.
He said...If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well. She said...Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we could do without the gardener as well.
He said...You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man? She said...No, have you?
He said...Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains? She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.
He said...What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
He said...Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said...I would, but you're never there.
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He said...Want a quickie? She said...As opposed to what?
He said...I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said...You wear briefs, don't you?
He said...Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
He said...This coffee isn't fit for a pig! She said...No problem, I'll get you some that is.
She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said...It's not my fault. I ran out of money.
He said...Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said...Well, you succeeded.
He said...If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well. She said...Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we could do without the gardener as well.
He said...You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man? She said...No, have you?
He said...Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains? She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.
He said...What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
He said...Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said...I would, but you're never there.
The Twitter Commandments by Reuben Holmes/ @TheeMulahTruth(Twitter)1. Thou shall not spam your fellow tweeters.
I'm sure we've all had our share of spammers killing our timelines, forcing their links in our mentions and DM's. One of the most common trends is that of the so-called "RAPPER". You know, the one that demands you listen to their music, mixtape "click on this link & RT". Yeah, that individual. The "rappers" fail to realize that the forcing and distribution of their links to others via Twitter will surely earn them an "unfollow" or report to spam but most importantly, no one will actually listen to their music. I've asked artists why they continue to do such a thing, and the most common reply is, "I'm networking." To all the individuals who call it networking, you're wrong. To network is to find others that share your common interest, thus creating a friendship/relationship/partnership through that interest. You can't expect someone to listen to you or click your links when you've never even had a conversation with them or showed any interest in what they tweet.
2. Thou shall not claim the identity of others: As weird as it seems, this happens very often. Not just on Twitter, all over the internet. Claiming to be someone else is not only sad but it's also an insult to who you are. What do you gain from being someone you're not? Not a d*mn thing.
3. Thou shall not exploit self/body for more followers: I remember when you gained followers by producing quality content, being informative, and most of all, sharing your thoughts. Twitter is slowly becoming MYSPACE 2.0, simply because of what use to be "MUST HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS ON MYSPACE" is now "Must have a lot of followers via Twitter." The things people will do just to get a follow...even going as far as posting naked photos via Twitter. I'm a man, not the stereotype but the MAN who sees your photo and shakes my head. It's not sexy, it's sad, shameful, and screams DESPERATION.
4. Thou shall not depress us with your depression: Twitter is a place where individuals share their thoughts but honestly, don't tell Twitter your problems. If you're religious, tell it to God or even those whom you are close to. 90% of your followers overlook those sad tweets, 9% see it and laugh because you're not doing well (HATERS), then there's that 1% (ME) telling you not to do it. Point blank - don't go airing your "personal everything" all over the net.
5. Thou shall not tweet back to back to back & back again: To avoid the fate we all know as "Twitter Jail", practice healthy tweeting. Try tweeting every 5-7 minutes.
6. Thou shall not beg a celebrity to follow you/follow you back: A celebrity is a person just like yourself, only having more money than you do and fame. Don't let a celeb determine your value or outcome of your life. If every other tweet you post is: "Oh my God, I'll die if you don't follow me" then honestly, delete your account and go do some homework.
7. Thou shall not state false claims/stop lying: Ever since Twitter was created, I've seen a major increase in "I'm a rapper" statements and claims, models too. If you're a rapper with no music to be listened to, then honestly - you're not a rapper. If you're a model with no portfolio of professional photos, then look...you're not a model. Plain and simple, stop lying to others and most of all yourself. Lies appeal to no one.
8. Thou shall not become angry upon losing a follower: You can't force people to follow you, nor should you become upset when you lose a follower. To lose a follower is to lose someone who has nothing in common with you. Remember you want quality/genuine followers, ones that share your same interests. Most importantly, the number of people who follow you doesn't determine your value as a person/individual. Besides, followers are replaceable.
9. Thou shall not allow Twitter to become your life: Don't get me wrong, Twitter is great. Twitter has been a great help with my music career (well, the internet period) but don't let Twitter replace your life and the people in it. The friendships and relationships that you've made in the real world are far too important. People actually neglect their loved ones for Twitter. Sad, but true.
10. Thou shall be an individual: Individuality is everything. Not just via Twitter, but in the real world as well. It's hard to stand out when you're running with a pack/clique or group, because everyone wants to belong and it's becoming a trend to clique up via Twitter (ALL FOR THE PURPOSE OF THE LEADER GAINING MORE FOLLOWERS THAN YOU). Be an individual, don't be someone's "PROMO SLAVE" and start promoting their group and them in general, neglecting yourself.
